How To Kill Your Cousin

Step 1: Season turkey with secret gypsy herbs and spices

Step 2: Add three gallons of oil to deep fryer

Step 3: 350 degrees, 3 minutes per pound

Step 4: Lift carefully

Step 5: Observe the deadly effects of tryptophan

Reading Stuff You Wrote a Long Time Ago

I was searching my computer archives for something and I happened on a weird document I wrote 8 years ago on November 8, 1997. I know for sure I wrote it because it has a crazed and frenzied style that is characteristically Ben Luc. However it makes no sense to me and I have no recollection why I decided to put this "brain dump" into words. Well here it is... enjoy. If you can find meaning to this please tell me and I will send you $5.

Ben Luc is the coolest person in the world. He is so cool he can watch the return of the Christmas monkeys seven times in a row. Without even stopping to read the current issue of popular science he can tell you what web sites are rated a-ok by the editors of the pop-sci mag. With a flick of the wrist he can shoot a ping pong ball way over the wall of his next door neighbor’s neighbor. There is just nothing this nineteen year old Computer Scientist cannot do. One day while he was weed wacking his lawn he saw a snail the size of North Dakota. He decided to befriend this snail rather than to subjugate this poor underdeveloped mollusk to the cruel tortures a brand new weed wacker can inflict. The snail soon told him the strange tale of a magician who cast an utterly evil curse on the town of Bedrock. This curse foretold the coming of the Three Horseman of the Apocalypse who would trample down the blood and sweat that comprised the beloved city.