Dream Journal: Spying on a Competitor

I am discussing some technical stuff with a bunch of engineers. I suddenly realize that I am at a competing firm and proprietary information is being revealed. I need to figure out how to extricate myself without creating an ugly scene. I turn to quietly leave but someone in the crowd recognizes me. He's Gordon Lee, a guy haven't seen since high school. He asks me about what I've been up to, etc. and I carefully tell him everything except for the fact that I don't work at his company. I'm a little annoyed he's here because he's bringing attention to me and he was supposed to be a dentist. I finally slip into a dark room and try to be real quiet so everyone will leave. I think I am in the clear when a woman opens the door and looks in. Because the room is dark and I am crouching in the corner she misses me. I get out of the building through a sewer duct and find myself on the side of a mountain in the middle of the desert. It's going to be a long walk.

Dream Journal: My Next Game?

I dreamt about an 8-bit game. The game switched between a side scroller and an up-down scoller (like Gradius or Lifeforce). However, the theme of the game was a bunch of guys who were running away from gangsters. So instead of shooting stuff that appears from the top of the screen, you are basically dodging people who are chasing behind you. One of the levels in the game was inside a mall where the two characters on the screen are on skis and are running away from a mob of people behind them. Somehow I associated this scene with a similar scene from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure which I had just seen over the weekend. The ending of the game seemed weird though I can't remember it.

Another Four Hour's Worth of Work... Barely Noticeable (And My Calves are Killing Me!) 

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A Less Cynical SWEC Picnic Poster 

My Arm Hurts

Six months ago, I could still throw a football around with my 13 year old cousin, Brian. Today, he threw the ball (in a pretty tight spiral, I might add) that went about 5 yards above my head and landed 20 yards behind me. I threw from that spot back to him and the football landed 15 yards short. I'm getting old.

Dream Journal: Apocalypse is Nigh

I would worry about the prophetic powers of my dream except for the fact that Macaulay Culkin was the "star" of my dream. So I was dreaming about a movie not a real world event soon to happen (I'd stock up on guns and clean drinking water just to be safe if I were you).

Anyway, my dream started with a mysterious code being disseminated on the Internet. No one can figure out where the code is coming from so everyone is curious to break the cipher and figure out the hidden message. However despite the efforts of the world'd best and brightest amatuers, the code remains unbroken. The United States gets interested so it assembles a crack team of cryptographers to settle the matter once for all. The team is of course headed by Macaulay Culkin. Interestingly enough, Doogie Howser, is also on the team so this is a team of crack ex-child stars as well. Anyway, part of the code turns out to be a treasure hunt of sorts so the team heads from point to point all over the world. The last checkpoint is in a pyramid under the sea. When the final door is opened, the team finds what seems to be a number of empty nuclear missle housings. It turns out that this was just a plot by Al Qaida to distract the world's best minds so that they could place nuclear devices all over the world. In the middle of the room is a countdown timer. The timer itself is encrypted and when the team deciphers it, it turns out they only have about 30 seconds left. The last scene is Macaulay Culkin doing his famous pose.

From Bitter Rant to Reality... The SWEC Summer Picnic Poster 

Dream Journal: Porcupine Asparagus

We're having a family dinner at a Korean BBQ restaurant. There is a grill in the middle of the table and the waitress takes out a huge platter of rib eye steaks with a plate of hamburger buns. We cook the steaks on the grill and warm up the buns but when we taste them, they taste bland. The steaks are left untouched after a few bites. I walk out to the courtyard to get a breath of fresh air. I see a bunch of asparagus hanging on a rope . I find that strange, so I take the asparagus and examine it. The asparagus has been grilled and looks ready to eat for someone. I guess that someone is me. I take a huge bite of the tied up bunch at the spears and to my horror it seems that this is a wild variety of asparagus and each thorn in the spear tip is as sharp as a rose's thorn! When I open my mouth and look in the mirror, I find that the entire bottom of my mouth is lined with these thorns that have embedded tightly into my mouth. I panic and try to think of what to do. I decide to stick out my tongue really hard to increase the blood flow and force the thorns out that way. It works slowly. However, when I'm done, my mouth is full of blood.

Bitter Rant: Coworkers Don't Appreciate the 80s

I attended the summer picnic committee meeting for my company with big hopes of pitching an awesome Back to the 80s Theme. When theme picking time came, I heard some rather lame suggestions being thrown out. So imagine my surprise when my 80s suggestion was met with the silence that only indifference could make. Ok, I'm not saying that the 80s idea was perfect. I also understand that my particular age range has created a sort of rose colored filter for that time period. It is like my kryptonite, man. But I don't understand how my fellow employees think. One would believe that since we are all intelligent, rational thinking engineers that we would make intelligent, rational decisions. So how in the world could 18 people vote for a Disneyland theme over the 80s?!

That's fine. If this company can't appreciate the 80s then it doesn't deserve it!

Dream Journal: My Dad Makes Horrible Pancakes

I'm about to leave for work. I pass my pops in the kitchen making himself a breakfast of fried rice or chow fun or something. When he's done, he decides to makes use of the hot oily wok by dropping in some pancake batter. He makes about a half dozen 3 inch pancakes and throws them on top of his fried rice. He asks me if I want a pancake and as I'm intrigued. I give it a try. They taste horribly bland and watered down. My dad's dream of opening a Roscoe's Fried Rice and Pancakes is crushed.

Dream Journal: Who Missed Who

I caught this browsing through Shockwave.com. Anyway watch this movie:

Who Missed Who?

and tell me how you interpret the ending. There is one interpretation which is creepy but does not quite make sense and another where the woman is making a certain statement about old men. I'm leaning toward the former.

Dream Journal: A Big Drop at Disneyland

I'm at Disneyland with Ngoc and my family. We are done with the park and are on our way out. We pass by an innocuous looking roller coaster with no line so I suggest we get on one more ride before we leave. My sister and I hop onto the lead car and the coaster gets going. To my utter horror, it turns out that after we cross the first bend, there is a 200 foot drop straight into a lake. The track just ends right before water so your car just dumps you into the drink. We are going so fast that when I hit the water, I end up bottoming out about 20 feet into the lake. I don't know how to swim but I somehow manage to kick my way back to the surface where I see my sister also treading water. I am worried about Ngoc (she's scared of heights) and my parents and look around for them. I see them standing by the side of the lake dry as a bone. Turns out they never got on at all and are laughing at us.

Dream Journal: A Scene from The Sun Also Rises at CPK

I'm inviting a bunch of people to dinner at a CPK in the mall. I don't recognize most of them but they are my supposedly close friends. We all arrive and begin ordering when my old pal from college, Brian, walks in. I am surprised because I don't remember inviting him but I quickly make as if there were no mistake and sit next to him and start chatting. However, the lady sitting right next to me is clearly annoyed that Brian is here as she gives the impression that they are out of Brian's class. This confuses me as I'm not sure how I got mixed up with these people (and how high class can you be if you're eating dinner at CPK?). Anyway, she makes snide remarks for the next few minutes until it infuriates me to the point where I make a big scene at the restaurant. I apologize to Brian and ask if he would like to head down to the food court for different fare (Hot Dog on a Stick anyone?).

Prep Work Before Painting My Bathroom

My bathroom has totally been pwned by mold and mildew. In addition, parts of it are peeling off and looking pretty gross. Before I get to paint it nice and smooth again, I gots to do me some prep work. Scraping through four layers of neglected paint is hard, hard work, though. I spent nearly all Sunday afternoon scraping and all I doubt I got more than 20% of that crap off. That is even after I drove to Home Depot to get myself some heavy artillery, a heat gun. I figure at this rate, by the time I'm done, the mold would have evolved to a high level of lifeform and crawled (or swam or flew) away.

By the way, contrary to what you may think the respirator is not for protection against dust and airborne mildew. In actuality I have a terribe phobia of being attacked in my bathroom by a sarin armed Japanese cultists. Damn the Internet and its uncanny ability to affect us impressionable pilgrims in search for spirituality.

One day's worth of work, scraping my mildew infested bathroom. 

I'm ready for the terrorists... are you? 

Dream Journal: The Scholar

I'm sitting on the field of a weird concrete sunken stadium. The field is separated from the stands by a high fence. I realize then that I'm in the new reality TV show, The Scholar. I and the other contestants sit in a classroom setup in the middle of the field. The announcer tells us the rules of the game. Basically, the test consists of twenty questions. Each question is multiple choice and is based on pop culture. The point is to find the event that happened earliest. The caveat is that although you get one point for each right answer, you get minus five points for each wrong answer. You are also timed in case of a tie. I fill out all my answers very quickly although some of the questions are confusing to me. Right before I turn it in though, I realize I have misunderstood the question and that I was supposed to write down the event that happened most recently. I redo all my questions and turn it in among the late finishers. I go back to my seat with Ngoc beside me when they announce the scores. The top two finishers get to proceed. I am not one of them. My standing is near the bottom of the group. When I get my test back the lady who hands it back to me tells me that if I had not made two blatantly wrong answers, I could have been one of the two.

One of these hands is missing some hair 

Read and Heed Propane Grill Warnings

Today I discovered that a WeberQ can make a pretty good IED (Improvised Explosive Device).

So I start cleaning my grill after the usual Friday BBQ by leaving the grill on for about 15 to 30 minutes. I usually leave the lid on because my ignitor is tempermental and I like to build up some of the propane gas from the burner before sparking it to ensure an easier light. This technique is also strictly prohibited by the manual by the way (who follows directions on manuals anyway?). However this time, something funny happened (by funny, I mean may result in serious physical harm or death kind of funny). The lid rises about two inches off the grill followed by a sudden "foom" sound. The lid is being pushed by a rather large and angry fireball of propane. The large and angry fireball travels down near my hand which is still in post ignitor click position and dissipates but not before taking half of the knuckle hair on my left hand.

Have you ever grilled with the devil on a pale moon night?

My Dad is Weird

Today I dropped off my Pops at Chinatown. I had to swing by Cathay Bank as well to cash in my awesome $50 Seagate rebate so I parked in front of a meter two blocks away. I didn't have any change on me so Pops says he'll put it in for me. As I'm walking away I tell him not to put more than 15 cents because 9 minutes is all I need to use the ATM (I know I've timed myself). Anyway, I make my deposit, get my cash, and walk back to the car when I see ol' Pops still standing by the side of my car.

"Pops, what the hell are you still standing there for?"

His reply was that he wasn't in a hurry to get anywhere so he was watching my car to save the 15 copper Lincolns. Jesus! That's one part of Pops I'm never going to understand.

Dream Journal: Alaskan Earthquake

I'm in a cabin in Juneau, Alaska in the summertime. The cabin is actually on top of a hill in a pretty populated neighborhood. My sister comes into the room and asks me something. Before I have a chance to reply, I feel a massive earthquake. When the shaking stops, we walk outside. There is devestation all around us. Houses have toppled over their foundation and have begun sliding down the hill. The situation is so unstable that we decide to run down the hill away to the town square where there are fewer buildings. I want to take my car, but it is pinned under some rubble. As we are running, I think if my house back in LA has survived. Before I have a chance to complete my thought, another earthquake strikes.

Dream Journal: Weird Potluck Lunch at Work

I'm walking into the bullpen conference room at work carrying a huge package of hot dogs. Ngoc is behind me pulling my Weber Q. I meet Tony and ask him where I can setup my grill. He says he already has one set up. He points to a rather large camping stove with flames licking the grilling grate that is sitting above it. Wow, doesn't Ngoc feel dumb for having to bring my grill all the way from home. We sit down on one end of a U-shaped picnic table. Tobin Honda, a dude from high school who I haven't thought about in as many years is sitting next to me with his girlfriend. I ask him to move over to make room for Ngoc and he does.

After we are done eating, I head back home by myself. Ngoc was probably slowing me down so I let her drag the grill home by herself. I take the bus however (she probably stole my keys). I haven't taken a bus for a while so I forget which stop I want to get off on. By the time I see it, I've already passed it for four blocks. I get on another bus heading in the opposite direction. This time I pay very careful attention to my stop and get ready to get off at the right instant. I still miss my stop but this time it is only off by two blocks. I decide to walk the rest of the way home.

I always wondered if I wore a moustache if I would look like a pervert. I do. 

Dream Journal: Tutoring and Labops

I'm at Eucalyptus Elementary School doing the Raytheon lunchtime tutoring. I'm the only tutor however so I'm giving a lecture on English or something. I hand out a xerox to all the students but there is one particular student, Yoshio, who is being a pest. He is resistant to any instruction and is very disruptive. So, I tear into him and yell at him to straighten up and fly right. He starts crying a bit and instead of comforting him or feeling guilty, I tear into him some more (compassion is not my strong point). He eventually stops and complies with my requests to read the xerox. The class ends and I suddenly realize that was not the smartest thing to do making a kid cry like that so I talk to him and ask him if we're cool and such. He says yeah so we shake hands (shaking hands is a legally binding contract that he will not sue me or the school, of course).

When I go back to work, I head straight to the F/A-22 Lab. The labops there have gathered around and are talking about something. Apparently the audit did not go well and there are some shakeups in the lab personnel and lab procedure. There is also talk that they have suddenly ended the entire F/A-22 program, although I do not know why.

Dream Journal: Plane Interception of Bomb 

Dream Journal: Intercepting a Missile

I am on an airplane with Ngoc who is piloting the plane. We are attempting to intercept a nuclear missile headed for a highly populated city. We have don't have any weapons on board so the only choice we have is for me to jump out of the plane onto the missile (ala Dr. Strangelove) to manually disable the device. I make the leap of faith and land on it (I'm good!). I manage to disable the nuclear mechanism but the detonator still releases and there is midair explosion. The force of the shockwave knocks me unconscious and when I wake up I'm on the side of a steep cliff. Ngoc is there next to me and I ask her what happened. She tells me how the plane was disabled by the shockwave as well and she had to bail with a parachute. By some force of luck, she found me lying here when she landed.

We start to make our way across the cliffs in search of an area where we make a safe descent. We find a cave that leads into a series of catacombs. Ngoc hurts her leg somehow and I go to try to find some help. I emerge from the catacombs to a canyon road. I see a silver Subaru drive by and stop. To my surprise, it is Tommy inside. He says that this car is a loaner because he's taking his TL to be serviced. I tell him about my situation and he says sure he can help out but he first has to pick up his car. I get in (hmm.. no arguments?) and we drive to the Acura dealership. On the way, we comment on how well handling and reliable the Subaru is. Once there they show Tommy what his problem was. Apparently his rotors are terribly warped (like mine) so they had to change them out but under warranty (yes!). Once we get Tommy's car we head back to the mountain.

We get out and find Ngoc waiting for us. Before we can say anything she tells us to follow her, she has found something weird. We enter the catacombs again and navigate a particularly treacherous wall to get into another room. Ngoc tells me to look around. When I do, the point of view pans out to a series of huge perfectly rectangular rooms that seemed to be designed for huge creatures and whose purpose seems ominous.

Dream Journal: Sketch of Train Explosion 

Dream Journal: Book Review of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn

I'm in front of my 5th grade class reviewing Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn. However the plot and characters I begin describing are nothing like the real book (my apologies to Mark Twain). First off, the Huckleberry Finn is a woman and she is getting on a train. Tom Sawyer is trying to follow her because she is running away from him. The train leaves before he can get to it though. As Tom is walking away from the platform he overhears some people talking about how the train has been running funny lately. It makes all these creaks and rattles that have been getting worse. Tom gets a sudden premonition that something bad is going to happen so he jumps in his car (?) and races to the next station to catch it. Unfortunately, the train explodes crossing a bridge over the Mississippi and everyone is killed. Tom is heartbroken.

When I look up, my class is gone. I see my sister walking up to the classroom dragging a luggage cart full of books. She looks at me angrily and asks why I didn't check my cell phone. I take it out and look at the missed calls list. The list is long and I finally manage to find her number buried in there. I ask her what happened and she says that her car broke down and she had to walk all the way home. She said she called me at 11pm. I didn't realize how late it was and when I look at the clock it reads 4am.