My company was bought out by Pacificare and we all now work in the health service industry. Today, one of my coworkers beckons us into a vacant doctor's office to tell us about his amazing and peculiar discovery. That coworker by the way is
David Duchovny and the hospital we're working in is the one from
Grey's Anatomy (I hate that show). He then explains to us that instead say working, he has been computer modeling options on the commodity market. He has discovered that every few years or so there is an artificial shortage of some mundane but high volume commodity. The prices have been manipulated by an obscure group of powerful international figures who buy up all the near term options and then through their influence prevent that product from being imported/exported out of their place of origin. This drives up that products price globally and then they exercise their contracts and make a bundle.
As David further explains, he has discovered two things, each equally earth shattering. The first is a coerrelation between the price run up period and a particular event: The
Annual Miss Universe Contest! This implies that the judges of the Miss Universe Contest are in fact part of this international conspiracy. The second is the product that is currently being manipulated: peanuts! At first we think he's crazy but then we notice things like why it's been so hard lately to get any peanuts. We also notice that on the desk of the very doctor's office we are having this conversation is a rather large pile of shucked peanut shells and then on the wall is a plaque thanking him for being a former judge of the Miss Universe Contest!
We make a quick departure from the office, awed by this stunning revelation. I then hear nature calling and make a detour to the bathroom. When I enter I discover pandemonium. Somehow, every toilet in the entire world has stopped working. In lieu of them, a man standing by the sink is selling chamber pots. These are not simple, utilitarian chamber pots but rather very ornate and come with a crocheted cozy. I really have to go bad so I ask him how much for one. He replies: $22,000. I'm like wtf? He says yeah well he and his business partners have cornered the market on chamber pots so if I don't like it I can pee in my pants. I think I'd rather just pee in my pants.
Easy to analyze this... I watching Zoolander over the weekend, ate a bunch of garlicy peanuts on Saturday, flipped through Grey's Anatomy while channel surfing, and my girlfriend was working on her cross stitching project. Oh yeah, I also had to pee bad when I woke up