Dream Journal: A Plot to Corner the Peanut Market

My company was bought out by Pacificare and we all now work in the health service industry. Today, one of my coworkers beckons us into a vacant doctor's office to tell us about his amazing and peculiar discovery. That coworker by the way is David Duchovny and the hospital we're working in is the one from Grey's Anatomy (I hate that show). He then explains to us that instead say working, he has been computer modeling options on the commodity market. He has discovered that every few years or so there is an artificial shortage of some mundane but high volume commodity. The prices have been manipulated by an obscure group of powerful international figures who buy up all the near term options and then through their influence prevent that product from being imported/exported out of their place of origin. This drives up that products price globally and then they exercise their contracts and make a bundle.

As David further explains, he has discovered two things, each equally earth shattering. The first is a coerrelation between the price run up period and a particular event: The Annual Miss Universe Contest! This implies that the judges of the Miss Universe Contest are in fact part of this international conspiracy. The second is the product that is currently being manipulated: peanuts! At first we think he's crazy but then we notice things like why it's been so hard lately to get any peanuts. We also notice that on the desk of the very doctor's office we are having this conversation is a rather large pile of shucked peanut shells and then on the wall is a plaque thanking him for being a former judge of the Miss Universe Contest!

We make a quick departure from the office, awed by this stunning revelation. I then hear nature calling and make a detour to the bathroom. When I enter I discover pandemonium. Somehow, every toilet in the entire world has stopped working. In lieu of them, a man standing by the sink is selling chamber pots. These are not simple, utilitarian chamber pots but rather very ornate and come with a crocheted cozy. I really have to go bad so I ask him how much for one. He replies: $22,000. I'm like wtf? He says yeah well he and his business partners have cornered the market on chamber pots so if I don't like it I can pee in my pants. I think I'd rather just pee in my pants.

Easy to analyze this... I watching Zoolander over the weekend, ate a bunch of garlicy peanuts on Saturday, flipped through Grey's Anatomy while channel surfing, and my girlfriend was working on her cross stitching project. Oh yeah, I also had to pee bad when I woke up

Howl's Moving Castle:90 out of 100

Just watched it and decided this one's my second favorite Miyazaki movie, between Princess Mononoke (top honors) and Spirited Away. It had all the familiar Miyazaki touches yet it was presented in a way that was really sweet and made you feel like you were a part of something. It was sort of like how Chihiro got everyone working together in Spirited Away but developed a little better.

I'd give it a 90, with a few points off for being a little on the long side and borrowing a little too much from previous movies.

I can't remember any of my dreams

For the last two weeks, I have not been able to remember or record any of my dreams. I only remember the smallest bits and pieces. For example, I have a vague recollection of having to choose between a grilled chicken breast or deep fried chicken breast sandwich. Ok, I know you are on the edge of your seat wondering which sandwich I picked... but I can't tell you because I can't remember. Oh the suspense!

There are some who claim that dreams are nothing more than images resulting from random electrical activity in the brain as it housecleans itself during the night. Does this mean that my mind is now cluttered with the garbage of my unfullfilled and unconsicous wishes? Will this excess of mental litter eventually trigger a violent eruption such as a non-stop workplace killing spree? Only time can tell.

Who needs to go to Yellowstone to see Old Faithful when I can just look outside my window and marvel at Old Money Pit. $1.3M house and they can't even spend the extra five bucks to buy a higher quality sprinkler head. Priceless... 

Add Another Entry For Ben Luc in the Hall of Shame

HALL OF SHAME
--------------------------

1. SEC Logo Contest - December 2002
- Ben L - Most Artistic Mention
- Mike P - Honorable Mention

2. EA&C Logo Contest - April 2003
- Ben L - Honorable Mention
- Mike P - submitted three entries - Honorable Mention

3. SWTN Logo Contest
- Ben L - Only entry - DENIED

4. G2 Logo Contest - September 4, 2003
- Mike P - Only entry - DENIED (submitted two entries)

5. Annual Security Poster Contest October 2, 2003
- Ben L - *1st place winner
(*one of two total entries submitted)

6 - F22 Slogan Contest - June 11, 2004
- Ben L - submitted 7 entries - ALL DENIED

7. Annual Security Poster Contest - September 23, 2004
- Ben L - submitted two entries - ALL DENIED
- Mike P - DENIED

8. SWEC Year End Morale Event - PR Committee - December 2004
- Ben L - nearly rejected - showed SEC instead of SWEC
- Mike P - DENIED - one day late of submission

9. SWEC Advertising Poster Layout - December 2004
- Ben L and Mike P - DENIED OPPORTUNITY

10.SOAP - Logo Contest - March 22, 2005
- Ben L - Got $30.00 for his submission, but did not win.

11.ComAV Department Logo Contest - April 26th, 2005
- Mike P - One of only two entries - FIRST LOGO WIN!!!
(Took almost 1 month to tally votes from department)

12. Software Infrastructure Department Logo Content - May 26, 2005
-Ben L - Submitted 5 out of the 7 Logos competing. One of the other logos was a lame picture of a clipart computer with no text. Still came in second. The bitterness grows unbounded.

From Sudoku Champ to Sudoku Chump

I tweaked my Sudoku solver today when I found out it couldn't solve "Very Hard" level puzzles. After I found the logical mistake in my code, I was really happy with it although it took about 3 minutes to get the answer. So, I googled "Sudoku Solver Excel" to see just what an exclusive fraternity I have joined. Turns out it's not very exclusive at all. The first hit led to this page. I read up this guy's summary of his program and it seems he uses almost the identical algorithm I "thought up" except that his program can solve even the hardest of Sudoku puzzles in a matter of seconds. And to top it all off, he even uses "Solve It" for his solver button... the rogue! So to make myself feel better, the word I type in the next paragraph will be one that no man has seen before just so that I can feel capable of independent and original thought:

FrimpFrampFrumpFizzleShizzleGrizzleMumpBumpLumpIHateSudoku

I couldn't sleep tonight so I finished my Sudoku Solver! And it only took me five hours (plus the other 3 on Sunday...) 

This is a t-shirt you can buy from YIRMUMAH.NET, one of my favorite web comics. I'm pretty tempted to buy it. And oh, yeah, sorry, spoiler alert for the Harry Potter but if you haven't finished the book by now, it's your own damned fault. 

Brute Forcing Sudoku

The people in the labs that I work with have been playing a puzzle game called Sudoku to while away the time while we run tests. It's a simple number game that reminds me a lot of minesweeper. I had the bright idea to write an Excel spreadsheet with VBA macros to brute force the problem instead of slaving away with a pencil. However, I just realized that the straightforward, simple program I wrote cannot solve even a sample puzzle because it requires some speculation, guessing and backtracking. I can get all the low hanging fruit but the program hits a dead end when all the remaining cells have more than one possibility to branch off to. Then it goes on a one way trip to infinite loop city.

Hm... I'm going to have to rethink this one.

Ponderable of the Day

Which one of the following is smellier?

A) A trucker's 'roid cushion

B) A hot tray full of ass

Please keep all submissions to within 500 words. Reference and citation format must adhere to APA guidelines (I cannot stress this enough). Entries shall be judged by spelling (10%), grammar (15%), effectiveness of argument (25%), graphic imagery (25%), and formal method of mathematical proof (25%). Winner will receive one of the above aforementioned artifacts depending on side for which the entry argues.

Ostrich Land 

Solvang, Land of Windmills and Danishes 

Just about the only kind of house I can afford nowadays (it's made entirely of a living pussy willow tree) 

Santa Barbara Botanical Gardens 

I'm Taking Today Off...

...yet I still managed to work almost 12 hours of overtime. I've had many a strange dream this week but since I can't get to an unclassified computer much anymore, I've forgotten them all. I think I had a cool plot for a fantasy type movie two days ago but the world will be deprived of that box office gold because of this new killer work they've given me.

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

Slow and unexpectedly boring in the beginning and middle but the ending... wow! I sorta expected it but not in such a spectacular fashion. I'm just wondering how Rowling can wrap all the loose ends in the last book.

5 Year Work Anniversary

To commemorate Year Five of my lifetime sentence at R******, here's the story of my first day of work:

Work started that day at the ungodly hour of 7:30 AM due to orientation. I got there a little early and went to a 7-eleven to get some eats and a newspaper to read. When I get to the orientation room, I realize they provided breakfast so I sit down in a corner to choke down my $3 breakfast sandwich and read some news. Some asian dude who bore absolutely no resemblance to Brad Pitt asked for the sports section while munching a free bagel. He seemed like a real stiff and since I wasn't out to make friends, I handed it over without a second glance. When we sat around the table to fill out paperwork, I happen to glance over to the stat sheet of that same dude and noticed that the fucker was being paid $50 more than I was each pay period. Oh the injustice! At the end of orientation I find out of course that my real work site was a mile down the street in a different building. When all of us walked out to the parking lot, the asian dude was like hey are you going to R1, hey me too, I took the train today so I need a ride... bla bla bla whatever overpaid-asian-dude-too-cheap-to-buy-his-own-newspaper, I'm anti-carpool so seeeee ya! Anyway, I get to RE/R1/6A22 first and scope out the sweet desk out on the corner away from prying eyes. I'm about to set my stuff down when my boss comes in and says come with me to our status meeting. I meet my other team members, shoot the shit, bla bla bla and walk back to my office and who the fuck do I see sitting on my desk wiping the bagel crumbs off his mouth and gloating over his $50-a-paycheck-more-than-mine-salary?!

The annoying asian dude, a.k.a., Matthew L. Tran.

Matt, you took my free breakfast, my sports section, my $50 extra biweekly pay and my desk but you are NOT going to take away my 5 year anniversary mention in the InVision Company Newsletter!

Should be there but isn't 

A Familiar Name in the 5 Year Anniversary Newsletter 

Dream Journal: Buffet in Las Vegas

I'm at the lobby of some hotel in Las Vegas. I find myself following a black family downstairs into the buffet area (oh man, this gets a little racist here...). I seem to know them on some level. The buffet is on the honor system so when I head towards the basket to put in my money, I am surprised to see the mother circumvent it. I point out the basket to her but she just rolls her eyes at me. I begin getting food and to my surprise I see my cousin Gale and my sister behind me. They are on a trip and tell me they just saw the movie "Minority Report". Gale tells me that she agreed with my review of it. I ask her what review she is referring to and she says the one on my blog. I then remember seeing that entry in my blog though I did not write it. I finish my plate and head back for seconds. On my second plate I put nothing but BBQ stuff on it like pork ribs, beef ribs, steak, tri tip, etc.

[Pyschoanalysis: I haven't finished that Sigmund Freud book yet but I can explain why individual elements of the dream appeared if not why. Earlier in the week, I heard a coworker make some disparaging remarks against a black family he saw in a buffet (that's right I'm trying to pass the racist buck onto him). I also recently have had dreams about buffets because a) I'm a pig and b) the last two family gatherings we had were at buffets. The Las Vegas thing I'm probably sure because I read an LA Times article about the new Wynn Casino that morning. The "Minority Report" thing I believe has more to do with the black family (minorities) than Tom Cruise. Finally the BBQ thing is probably due to a discussion we had that night on whether we should go out to eat or if I should fire up the Weber. I lost so I was still probably sore about that.]